I am trained as a lawyer and as a social worker.  That means that I can mediate both financial and parenting issues for parties.

My experience in the legal representation of clients has given me the knowledge of the law and “how things work” in family law.  I understand practice and procedure.  I am a critical and practical thinker.  I can provide legal information (not advice) to parties in mediation.  I can ensure that they are informed of the law on a particular topic, as well as their rights and obligations.  I have been on the other side of the table, representing clients in mediation and arbitration.  I know what that process is like from the inside out.

My social work and mediation training have provided me with the tools to manage difficult personalities and build consensus. I am able to be empathic without getting dragged into the emotions and conflict.  Active listening allows me to listen effectively and to understand what is happening and why.  I am trained to look not only at the issues, but also at what is underlying the dispute, in order to identify and eliminate road blocks to settlement.  I am trained in child development and have worked with children of divorce.  I am able to bring the children into the process, whether that it by actually meeting with them or by figuratively representing their best interests in the mediation.

I would be happy to further describe my mediation practice and to answer any questions you may have. Please do feel free to contact me.

The post Pleased to Announce…. appeared first on Toronto Family Law Blog Canada.

https://www.thelawyersdaily.ca/articles/2776

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These videos make me cringe.  My heart goes out to the child being filmed.  How must that feel? What message does it send? What can that parent be thinking? Well, it appears I am not alone in my concern.

In the November 2016 Whidden v Ellwood decision, Justice Pazaratz of the Ontario Superior Court of Justice takes cellphone videoing parents to task.  The case is worth a read, but the following are some of His Honour’s more pointed (and poignant) statements:

“They [parents who video] should stop pretending they’re assisting the court by assembling important evidence.”

“The obvious reality is that taking videos is a strategic act of aggression and escalation. The situation never improves when people pull out cameras. Usually it gets worse. Indeed, often that appears to be the intention.”

“Access exchanges in high conflict files are already tough enough for children. Pointing a camera – or multiple cameras – at the interaction merely heightens the child’s unease and worry that something bad is expected to happen. That someone they love is about to misbehave. That one parent is trying to get the other parent in trouble.”

“Videos recklessly and maliciously transform an ideally brief, benign transition into a horribly unhappy and frightening experience for the helpless child. The unpleasant confrontation may last only minutes. But the emotional devastation for the child can extend for hours, both before and after the exchange.”

“How do we stop this epidemic of smartphone nonsense in Family Court?

1. Presumably parents only take these videos because they think it will help them win their case. They think it will make the other parent look bad.
2. We need to make it clear to parents that taking videos is not likely to help you win your case. It’s more likely to backfire. To cause the judge to worry about your parental judgment.
3. Because taking videos raises doubts about how a loving and caring parent could be so insensitive as to place an innocent child in the middle of a needlessly inflamed and volatile situation.
4. What message is the videographer conveying to the child? “Look how bad your father is!” “I’m going to record this so everyone will see what a horrible mother you have!” “Be careful, the parent you love can’t be trusted!”
5. Perhaps the more cynical and prophetical message: “Showtime!”
6. Do children really need to receive such hurtful and destructive messages, at an already tragic time in their lives?
7. When parents routinely pull out their cameras, ready to “click” at the slightest false move — like gunslingers squaring off at the O.K. Corral – are they doing it out of love for a child? Or hate?
8. No matter what image they hope to record, it can’t be as harmful to the child as the fear and apprehension automatically instilled as soon as one parent points a camera at the other.”

And finally, the quotable Pazaratz:

“Perhaps we can borrow from social media to coin a term which suitably describes judicial disdain for this type of behaviour:

1. We’ve all heard of the “SELFIE”: A self-portrait, usually intended to make the subject look good.
2. How about a “SELFISHIE”: A parent taking a disturbing video to try win in court, oblivious to the emotional trauma they are inflicting on their child.”

In the case, not only did Justice Pazaratz refused to rely on any of the videos presented by the parties but the final order included a prohibition against the parties taking videos of each other in the future.  Well said and well done, Your Honour.

The post Stopping Cellphone Videoing in Custody Cases appeared first on Toronto Family Law Blog Canada.

There were lawyers and social workers and psychologists and judges. There were individual speakers on topics ranging from challenging clients (who has those? not me) to high conflict litigation There were panels on practice and stress management, supervised access and moving difficult cases to resolution. I learned new things about parental estrangement and children who resist post-separation contact. I heard different perspectives on how to obtain the voice of the child and incorporating the child’s views and preferences in our cases. Fascinating stuff. The conference reaffirmed to me the importance of the work that we do for children and families. It also reminded me of the importance of inter-disciplinary connections and learning – we do better work when we work together.

It is always tough to make the time to attend continuing education programs and conferences. This one was well worth it.

The post Inter-Disciplinary Magic appeared first on Toronto Family Law Blog Canada.

If you are separated or divorced, here are a few pointers on how to make it easier for your son or daughter at overnight camp. For the sake of simplicity, let’s use a hypothetical family: Jane is 11 and going to overnight camp for the first time. Jane’s parents, Mom and Dad, are divorced and don’t get along very well.

What can Mom and Dad do to ensure their “stuff” doesn’t interfere with Jane’s time at camp:

1. Remember Jane is going to have a great time. She may be a bit homesick at first, but that will pass and she will love camp. Why? For all the reasons other kids love summer camp, but also a few more. Summer camp is a chance for Jane to be away from her parents and their issues and the fact of the divorce. At camp, she gets to be just like every other kid. It is a relief. Jane gets to leave the parenting schedule behind. No more shuttling back and forth between homes. She doesn’t have to remember what stuff is at what parent’s home. Jane has one cabin and one bed, one place to lay her head every night. Often, this time at camp comes as a welcomed break from the pressure of being a child of divorced parents.

2. Write. But don’t write Jane about the divorce, problems with the other parent, your dating life, etc… Write her about age appropriate things. Certainly do not tell Jane in a letter that you are separating. That kind of announcement requires face to face interaction and emotional support.

3. Make sure Jane has stamps, writing paper and envelopes to write you back. Give Jane both Mom and Dad’s address. Don’t just give her one or the other – that is just making trouble. More importantly, it sends the message that Mom doesn’t want Jane to write Dad (or vice versa) and that isn’t right.

4. Give the camp the contact information for both Mom and Dad. Don’t cut the other parent out – the camp needs this information for emergencies! If you can’t be reached, you want the camp to reach the other parent.

5. Make a plan for Visitor’s Day with your ex. Don’t leave it up to Jane. Never ask her “who do you want to come see you on Visitor’s Day?” It isn’t fair. It puts Jane in the middle of an adult issue. Mom and Dad should decide who gets to come on Visitor’s Day and who arranges another day to come visit. You can alternate from year to year. Sometimes parents want to come to Visitor’s Day together. Don’t do that unless you regularly do other things together with Jane. If this is the only time Mom and Dad have been in the same place at the same time for a while, don’t do it. It will be strange and uncomfortable for Jane and that is not how anyone wants her to feel on Visitor’s Day (or ever).

6. Similar to Visitor’s Day, make a plan for drop off and pick up, either at the buses as some camps do, or at camp as others require. Maybe Mom can drop off and Dad can pick up at the end of the month? Again, Mom and Dad should only be there together if they can behave and if it will not be uncomfortable for Jane.

These tips aren’t rocket science. They are just common sense. But they will help Jane get the most from her summer overnight camp experience, which is the whole point.

The post Are you ready for the summer? Overnight Camp and Divorce appeared first on Toronto Family Law Blog Canada.