While you consider whether or not to separate from your spouse, take the following steps which will help to ensure that your interests, and those of your children, are protected.  

Keep a journal: Contemporaneous notes are much more reliable than after the fact re-creations or recollections.  Keeping a journal and/or record book where you document information daily will be invaluable later on.  Things to keep track of would include: the children’s schedule; child support or child related payments made or received; medical visits; and important discussions with your spouse and information s/he shares with you.

Collect information:  You enjoy access to family information while you are still together.  It is easier to compile this information now than it is to try to collect it after you separate, when documents tend to “go missing”. 

• Know where your bank accounts, investment accounts, RRSPs and such are held and their balances.  Know where your will is and its terms – think about whether or not you need to change it.  Know the particulars of your life and medical insurance.  Collect appraisals.  Make a record of the contents of the safety deposit box.      
• Gather all of your documents and separate the information into categories: children, financial, budget, etc…
• Keep all statements and bills going forward.
• Put together all of the financial information you have.  You will need all of it.   You cannot properly assess financial settlement options unless you know what you have. 
• Know where important original documents for the children are stored, such as OHIP card, birth certificates and passports.  Consider moving them to a new location only you can access.   

Think about what you want:  Consider what you want the end result to be.  Think about everything from dividing the household contents to how you would like to parent the children.  Think about options.  Figure out what is important to you (i.e. the “non-negotiables”) versus what you might be prepared to live with.  Knowing what you want, or at least having an idea of what you would like to happen, will shorten the process and reduce its cost.    

Think about the future:  Make a plan.  Recognizing you may not have all of the necessary information, it is still important to turn your mind to the next stage of your life.  Prepare a budget.  Where do you want to live and what will it cost you?  What are your expenses going to be?

Ensure you have a “go to” person to talk to:  You do not need an entire support “network”, but you will need one or two close friends upon whom you can depend.  Also, think about starting therapy if you have not done so already.  Having a neutral and skilled professional to assist you in dealing with the emotional fall out of separation is very helpful.    

Keep it private:  There are two aspects to this step: telling people and keeping information confidential. 

• Be careful who you choose to tell about your plans.  Be discrete.  Limit the confidences to as few people as possible and be sure that they are people you can trust.  This is particularly important if you end up deciding to stay together.  You do not want your spouse to learn that you thought about leaving through the grapevine.    
• Ensure that the records you are keeping, including and your communications about the possible separation, are kept confidential.  You do not want your spouse to discover your plans inadvertently, or by actively intercepting communications.  Open a new email account that your spouse does not know about. Change the password on your cell phone to ensure that you are the only one who can retrieve messages.